How do I carry the Krispy Kremes?

Time is winding down.  The marathon is just a few weeks away, and I'm in the fine-tuning stage.  Not with my actual running, but with the details.  What will I wear?  What should I bring?  What services will be provided along the route?  Water.  Check.  Gaterade.  (I'd rather have grape juice, but oh well.)  Check.  Porta-potties.  DOUBLE check!  Food ...... ?  No mention of food on the marathon website.  Okay then, I'll have to carry my own.  I turned to some friends for advice.  "Food?" they say.  "I don't eat until after."  Or "Breakfast usually carries me through".  Now I'm realizing I'm talking to people who can run 26.2 miles in under 4 hours, a class of runner in which I have no connection.  For me, I need food.  And I'd rather it be REAL.  Not the gooey, gummy 100-proof sugar stuff that you squirt into your mouth.  I mean, if I'm expected to eat sugar, why not something GOOD?  Like oreos, or donuts.  Or pie.  If you don't think one can eat while one runs, just watch me.

I've done enough ridiculously long runs to know that the ol' tank does better with regular refueling.  Our training runs have been 8 mile loops, with regular stops at FRP's house, where we have stocked a substantial pile of cookies and juice.  And string cheese.  And bananas.  And chocolate milk.  And adorable grandkids for hugs.  It has worked well.

However, the marathon will not rotate back to her house every now and then.  In fact her house will be nowhere near!  I will be on my own.  So, how do I carry it all?

I've been experimenting with big pockets, but anything heavier than a chapstick, produces a bothersome bounce.  I've tried a fuel belt, but since drinks are provided, I don't want to wear it the whole way.  And from what I've gathered online, fanny packs scream NERD.  Besides, they also bounce.

My iPod rides in an arm band, as does my cell phone.  No bouncing there, but no space for more arm bands.  A hat like Carmen Miranda's?  Or I could place spotters along the way, drawing on every favor owed to me from the past 50 years, who could dole out ham sandwiches as I trod by.  But I've read that spotters are a highly undependable, shady type of people who have been known to wander off and miss the rendezvous.

So I'm still working on the perfect solution.  Maybe Carmen would let me borrow her hat.  I could even sew on a few ruffles and add some lively salsa music on my iPod ....

The one problem with this festive option is that if I trip, fall, and/or DIE along the way (another item on my list of details), none of my family will voluntarily step up and claim any knowledge of who I am.